This letter comes from a Journal Entry on September 26, 2019—15 days before Elliot died. I started journaling four days earlier. One of the reasons for journaling that I wrote about on September 22 was, “I would like to write things that bring life to my family and especially my children and grandchildren—whoever finds this after I die.”

Elliot never saw this letter.

The Letter

Dear Elliot,

This weekend at church, we remembered the life of a baby who died in her mother’s womb. It is a reminder of you. It was also the baptism of our little Goddaughter, Nadia. I don’t understand why some of us live and some of us die. I’m just glad you lived.

When you were a baby, I worked at a youth activity center. There was a boy that came who was a twin, but his twin died in the womb. From an early age he wondered why he was the one. There is a little boy at church that survived when his twin died too. I wonder when he will find out. I am so glad you lived. We have told you the story before, but you died in the womb too. The doctor’s words were that the pregnancy was no longer viable. And yet, somehow, you are here. I am so glad you lived. I always wanted a brother but was zero for four.

I was so happy to have a son on the day you were born.

There have been so many good times.

• Buzz-Light Year
• Tree swings
• Rassling
• Winter Olympics in the backyard
• Snow boots in the summer
• Dog Island
• Oregon

Most of all, I love just knowing you.

Love,

dad