For My Father

August 3, 2020

After suicide, no birthday is ever the same for a father. Every single one is a reminder that you have outlived your son and your future. Today is my dad’s birthday. I am sure it is the same for him too.

Dear Dad,

On your birthday this year, I have been thinking about you and your 70 years of life. Much of that time has been spent looking out for me. The last 19 were spent being Elliot’s Grandpa.

Four Generations, Christmas 2001: Roy Timm, Elliot Timm, David Timm, Matthew Timm

Since Elliot died…

You haven’t had any answers.

You haven’t had any cures.

You haven’t had any solutions.

You haven’t had any sayings that have helped me feel better.Because you know it too. Elliot is dead, and there is nothing we can do to bring him back.

But you have been there week after week: checking in, bringing pizza, listening. You haven’t tried to fix anything because you are humble enough to know that you can’t. Nevertheless, you keep showing up anyway. It is for showing up that I celebrate you today. 

Cheers

My dad, my sister, and Elliot outside the Smithsonian Natural History Museum

2 Comments

  1. Hi Matt,
    I just wanted to know more about Elliot. What were his favorite things to do? What were his hobbies?

    Thank you for your openness to share

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